Comments on "The Magus" Discussion

In class on Tuesday, Gerrit mentioned he was "jealous" of Nicholas and his situation. In contrast, John believed that Nicholas had been emotionally and morally tortured and would not wish that kind of treatment upon anyone. I see myself taking a stance about in the middle. I'll admit that after finishing The Magus, I felt a strange longing for Nicholas's experience. I also felt a little bit of guilt for even insinuating that what happened to him was acceptable. He was made to fall in love with someone just so they would be stripped away, revealing that his love was neither meaningful nor reciprocated. He was left undermined and humiliated, and perhaps worst of all, the perpetrators did not even feel guilty about it.
So why would I want this for myself? His life on the island certainly became more exciting after meeting Conchis. He also found that he had become a part of something bigger than just himself. He experienced a phenomenon that only a few others before him could relate to. It was also a seemingly indescribable experience that I think probably became his own secret that he could carry throughout his life. I think that perhaps a part of me wanted to be able to say I was a part of something more, or that I had gone through a life-altering experience that no one else could understand. The more I thought about it, the more I realized it was the fact that Nicholas's experience was unique and powerful that made me wish I could experience something similar. The means by which this experience was conducted I would also never wish upon anyone. I thought that perhaps, unlike Nicholas, I could take this experience and become a better person because of it. This just goes to show that a part of me also longed for a moral to the story.